Introduction

( Just quickly: In the previous issue, Tony discovers his wife is pregnant and he begins his journey of having Fathers Thoughts. )

Of course I was as proud as a soon to be young father could be. Instantly I fell in love with my wife all over again. Just as quickly I felt an even stronger bond with God, thanking him for this blessing. But let's not get away from this fear thing before we move on. Whether it's a normal reaction or not, I was eaten up with it. Flashes of do's and don'ts started racing through my mind, simultaneously with the above mentioned questions.

Suddenly one statement kept replaying itself over and over in my head. I had heard this spoken by real people in real life, plus on countless movies and television shows, "I turned around and they were grown ".

Was it possible, I wondered? Could the minutes, days, weeks and years take off at such a blur that one-day I would turn around and my son or daughter would be an adult? I made up my mind that I would not let this happen.

No, I don't mean trying to keep him or her from growing up, but instead letting the years pass me by without telling my child how I feel about them and what I believe is important to take with them in life. Right then, at that moment I made the decision that whether I was to be a good father or a terrible father, I would at least make it clear to my child that I love him or her enough for two people.

Now are these thoughts, worries, concerns and fears, normal? I haven't the slightest idea, only that it hit me all at once and if its not then it wouldn't be the first time in my life I had been accused of being different from the norm.

I came to the conclusion, that one way to avoid missing time with my child by getting caught up in work or the daily routines was to write myself a set of cliff notes or cheat sheets for the things I want to make sure my child knows and learns. Hence, in the following pages I have done just that. Nothing elaborate or scientifically proven, just a list of things I want to make sure that over the next few years, my child knows to be true.

Is it just for my child that I write these things? No. As I said, these are little reminders for me to look back on at different times over the next few years and make sure I have expressed. Is this a normal reaction by a normal soon to be father? Probably not but then I've never been considered normal and can blame that on being left-handed, but that's a whole other story.

Poems

You were born
And I fell in love -
Instantly.
You began to
Cry -
And I wanted to
Protect and hold you -
Instantly.
You began to
Smile and laugh
And I was on
Top of the world -
Instantly.
You began to grow
And I knew
You would choose
Your own way -
Instantly.
When I am gone
And you have
Children of your own.
Tell them of your love -
Instantly.

Two white doves
Upward soar.
Seeking passage
Back through
The door.
Painting their
Picture across
A deep blue sky.
Upwards toward heaven
Together they fly.
Each representing
An equal part
Of a love that comes
Straight from the
heart.
Without the other
Both are lost,
Like the melting of
An early morning
Frost.
Bonded together
By a love burning
Endless and true.
Lost forever--until
I found you.
These two doves
We eternally must
Represent,
Universal symbols of
A love, truly
Heaven sent.

• Friends, my child, are easy to make, but a true friend is priceless, so when you find one hold on to them forever.

• Never doubt, little one, you can accomplish anything in this world that you set out to do.

• Know beyond a shadow of doubt, you are a good person. This is guaranteed simply by having a piece of your mother's heart.

• Little one, you are coming into this world surrounded by the two greatest sets of grandparents any child has ever known.

• I want you to know, my child, no matter what type of situation you find yourself in you can always turn to us for help.

• Always know, you might do things I disagree with or object to, but you will never do anything that will cause you to lose my love.

_Tony Ray Weaver (weav) is a 31 yr. old General Manager of Transportation and Manufacturing, living in West Plains, Missouri. He has been happily married for 5 1/2 years to Kathryn, a speech pathologist who also performs the duties of super mom to their 15 month old daughter - Cecily Nicole.

His hobbies include hunting, fishing, martial arts, reading and coaching/playing semi-pro baseball. He has been putting words together and calling them poetry for about 8 years and is posted on numerous web-sites, journals, newsletters, anthologies and a couple of magazines.

This article Copyright © 2001 weav - Tony Ray Weaver - Reproduced with permission.